Sometimes I sit back and think: What am I doing? I’m sure many creatives struggle with balancing reality with dreams. Chasing desires of expression and art. How does art fit in with our world of jobs and bills and responsibilities? It’s an interesting contemplation. One, I think, circles forever and could very well make us go crazy. I try not to think too much on the topic, but last week I did.
I’m not sure what set it off. Perhaps it was Kristen Lamb’s article: “A Culture Addicted to Free: How Free is Poisoning the Internet & Killing the Creatives”. It’s a thought-provoking article. How do you put a price tag on art? Something I’ve been trying to figure out, especially now that I am branching out into graphic design.
Or maybe this reflection is a result of reading a really good book and I’m left feeling like a hack. Hey, look at this book; they are are doing it so. much. better. Why am I doing this again? Ha! And then I look at the sacrifice, my mortality, and the growth rate of my preciouses. *sob*
*Runs off and reads a devotional on comparison.*
*sigh* All better now. Ha!
(Or maybe it’s just hormones???)
I’m an introvert. I like to step back and re-evaluate to see how things are working. Are the words flowing freely? Do I have enough brain cells to plan the menus and grocery lists? Am I yelling too much at the kids? Am I being a good friend? And if it gets really deep, I start questioning my existence and why I am doing what I am doing. Because what sane person would submit themselves to such torment of a creative career? So much work and heart goes into creating art, and sometimes it just doesn’t look like much compared to “real” jobs when the bills are due and the sacrifices take a toll.
But these thinky thoughts fueled by temporal feelings pass on. Albeit they do anchor me in reality. And it is probably more or less my fuel gauge telling me I’m running on empty. Again. Ha!
I love what I’m doing. Every crazy detail from writing to revisions to polishing to formatting to cover design to releasing my project to the world. Sure, I have less hair and a few more grays, and a very tight schedule with not much room for television or free time. But I’m managing. I think.
Still, at the end of the day, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And when the going gets tough or frustrating or insane, I just remember, I am living my dream.
What are you setting aside in order to pursue your dreams? Do your dreams involve creative careers?
What do you do to refuel?