Today begins a new season in my life. One I’ve been dreading, but I’m also so stinking excited. My firstborn starts pre-k. Monday-Friday 8-2:30. That’s basically kindergarten! I’m joining the ranks of all the other first timers sending their firstborns off, and it’s a whirlwind of emotions.
Oh my goodness! He’s starting school! Oooh my gooodness, he’s starting school. *head desk* I feel like Rapunzel stepping out of that tower for the first time, running around with a frying pan and without a clue. This is GREAT! This is horrible!
I have reasoned it out. If he had been born a month and few weeks earlier, he would be in kindergarten. Heck, even some of his friends are starting kindergarten, only because they were born a little earlier than him. See? It’s not THAT much different. And it will be good for him. BUT.
Gone are the days he was always at my side. Our time together has been shortened by 35 hours a week! Five years is really short yet really long. All the bemoaning I did for the lack of TIME ALONE has been forgotten. Such petty needs, don’t you think? Kidding! Well…sort of. 😉 Ah, then the grief, the regrets, the insanity we put ourselves through.
“Could I have done anything different?” asks the perfectionist. The maybes, the should haves tumble around like rocks in a tumbler, but we won’t find any precious stones there. I am a writer, artist driven to create, to express, and I did my best to balance the time between housework, writing, and family time, writing ONLY during quiet time and after bedtime. Don’t even ask about mornings. Ha!
“Have I scarred him?” asks the human with flaws. Let’s beat ourselves over the head some more, like that’s going to help. So thankful that love covers a multitude of wrongs!
As I wipe away the tears pooling at my chin, I have to stop and ask why? Why am I grieving like this is the end? It’s not. It’s only the beginning. My little man is growing his wings, and he will soon fly. This is just one step in that direction. A milestone.
This is the start of a grand adventure! I’m just a little late coming to the party.
Am such a mess this morning! 🙂 So, how many of y’all are first timers? Or are you a seasoned ship captain navigating these school years, perhaps facing milestones we have yet to even think about? Or are your kids grown? Any advice for the rest of us? If you don’t have kids, what other milestones are you facing, approaching, considering?
Happy Monday y’all!