The fall is upon us!
Well, not weather-wise in Texas anyways. Fall, when everything starts up again. It’s like a great convergence of all the little rivers joining up with the big one until bam! We’re swept away in a muddy mix of rapid moving water, and we’re scrambling to keep up with it all. Maybe that’s just me.
Living life balanced between reality and dreams.
My son is off to pre-k. Sniff. I’m almost okay with that now. Our mom group starts this morning, which wouldn’t really add to the muddy, giganto river, except that I’m assisting with coordinating volunteers and planning the kids program with almost 75 kids registered. Eek! Awana started last week, and yes, I’m assisting with the games, which means I can be brain dead while crunching numbers instead of killing my little darlings, editing, writing, tweaking. Then there’s the fall lessons for our church’s grade school program, plus the normal mommy and wifey stuff, and to top it all off, I’ve got a book coming out this fall! Hyperventilating here. Anybody see my paper bag? Ha!
With dreams, duties, and life all on a crash course, in sneaks the six letter swear word.
You see, I had been “should” free for a while, but there’s nothing like a too-full plate and time-crunching, dead-line looming projects to trip me up and send me running back to should and derail my productivity, and the next thing I know, my hubby’s is waking me up because I’m screaming S.O.B over and over in my sleep. Although, I wasn’t exactly asleep or awake. Yeah, that’s what “should” will do to you.
Can you hear it now? I should do this, should do that. Even worse, I should have done that, should have done this…and the next thing you know, #*@!
It’s the gateway swear word, in my opinion. Should will always lead to oh crap, sh*#, then the big one. f#@% ! Beeeeep, beepity, beep, beep, beep.
Wasted energy. All of it.
I used to sit there and beat myself up with the all the should do and the should have done until it hit me. I am wasting energy. Nothing I can say or think, no matter how much I beat the crap out of myself will not change what I have done, or did not do. What is done is done. Time to move on and stop wasting energy. Energy is time is life is now.
Because while we are wallowing in our self-inflicted misery, we fail. We cease to live. It’s like wanting to diet, and we can’t help but fixate on the chocolate bar we shouldn’t have until we fail and devour not just one, but
ten three bars. The shoulds multiply like tribbles on Star Trek’s 44th episode, and the next thing we know we’re overwhelmed with little, suffocating, good-for-nothing, fur balls. Well, they did unintentionally discover the poisoned grain, but that’s beside the point.
*Disclaimer: I am not saying we should forgo planning. I’m all about my colored coded schedules and my piles of to-do lists. It helps order my thoughts, or they’d be spinning and shoulding, and wasting energy.
So that said, I’m taking a deep breath, forgoing the mental anguish, and just be, do, go. Ha! Only partly joking. 🙂
So what say you? Is should a six letter curse word for you? Does it still bludgeon your brain? Or have you found a way to let go of it?