Originally published July 2018
Sometimes the road we must walk is not the path we would have chosen.
A steep curve, a broken bridge, muddy ditches, an edge of a cliff. It doesn’t matter what makes us face those points along our journey, just that at that moment in time, it’s the exact opposite of what we’ve been hoping, dreaming, planning for.
And then nothing.
Nothing but a great burning void. All our thoughts and beliefs challenged and set out in the abyss like spinning ripples of nothingness. A moment of no anchor, no direction. Just a vacuum of empty darkness. For one brief moment, we fear we will lose our sanity, our humanity, our soul unhinged.
But we can’t. Not when the world marches on and demands action from us. So we crawl forward, clinging to scraps of truth we aren’t sure we even believe anymore. If we didn’t, the abyss would suck the breath from our lungs.
It’s never easy when the journey takes us where we don’t want to go. We beat against the prison that suffocates us. Wrestle with bitterness, disappointment, and disillusionment. We grieve over what might have been. What we think should have been. We lash out and hurt others or ourselves. Sad-mad as O said from Home. But no matter how we protest, the path won’t change.
We must accept the consequences of our choices, our ignorance, or the circumstances beyond our control, whether or not we chose it. We can’t move on until we do, right?
Except. I’ve had a hard time doing that. I thought I had, but then people ask me questions and it’s the abyss all over again. The past two years have been challenging. A stripping away of lies and dreams. The feelings of being trapped and lost and confused overwhelmed me.
So. I avoided social media. I kept quiet and pressed forward, unsure of my path, unsure of how to even voice the maelstrom in my soul. I’d love to map out a career plan for the next five, ten years, but my path before me is cloaked and broken. All I know is that I’m here, working on Curse Bound, and will publish it when it’s ready. After that? I don’t know.
My day job will soon begin again, and I hope that I will do better at managing the challenges of working full-time, parenting, housework, kids’ school stuff, and bringing y’all the conclusion to the Hidden Dagger trilogy. I’ve missed you guys, and I am going to try my hardest to not withdraw like I did. My goal this work/school season is to blog once a week. And now everyone laugh with me, because that is so not going to happen. Ha!
Two good things from all this. Growth. And story inspiration. More than fifteen years ago, I set out to create a story to illustrate the struggle and determination to overcome the lies in our lives. I totally failed on that account. But the irony of the story reflecting my personal journey is not lost on me.
Is your journey taking you down a path you’d rather not go? How are you coping? What are some things you do to help you to keep on keeping on?
Ironically after publishing this in July, two months later we sold our house and moved to a big city six hours away. Talk about a PLOT TWIST!